- I get out of bed around 6:00 AM every morning. But the whistling of my CPAP mask and my tingling, aching muscles awakened me much earlier. Time to take my first handful of medication. I am careful to take the right pills at the right time. Taking so many pills is a little (really a lot) disconcerting--I have become like my parents were with all their pills.
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- Breakfast and coffee is next. I am too full to eat, but if I don't eat the medication will cause my stomach to really hurt. I love coffee--especially strong, really strong coffee. But now coffee just does not taste good and almost nauseates me. Given the choice between no strong coffee or nausea, I will opt for weak coffee. That's called adaptation! I am not sure how much longer I can stomach even weak coffee.
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- After breakfast, I spend time at my home desk catching up on the latest news and checking my morning email. It is good just to spend time by myself in the early morning. I work to focus my eyes so I can see the computer screen and read my messages. My vision blurs and my eyes twitch from time to time for no particular reason.
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- I pant for breath after my shower and while getting dressed for work. The dull ache, tingling, and cramping in my legs is a constant companion. The pain and tightness in my chest and gasping for breath with exertion is a faithful reminder of my condition. Not only do I have MG, I have whole-body autonomic sensory-motor neuropathy with all of its accompanying issues.
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- I arrive at work around 8:00 AM, make my way to my office and sit and rest to catch my breath and give my legs some needed rest. I enjoy walking around the church, checking on things, and greeting people. But now it takes too much energy and strength to do so every morning. I begin to map-out the rest of my day. I write things down much more frequently now, since I am likely to forget something. This is probably a side effect of medication. I am still looking for my other car key. I think Cathy hid it from me, but I have no proof. That is my story and I am sticking to it; until she finds the key, probably in one of my pockets!
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- Today my symptoms decided to play "merry-go-round" with me. Sometimes my chest hurts a lot and breathing is more difficult, then my eyes will go blurry, then my voice will get weak, then my legs will weaken. MG seems to have a mind of its own. I always feel breathless.
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- Before 10:00 AM, my computer emails me, sends a pop-up to my screen, and texts a message to my cell phone reminding me to take my Mestinon. I have become a slave to medication. I still feel full from my light breakfast, but must eat when I take my pill. 'Nilla wafers are a good choice--four to be exact. My mid-morning walk fits in well around this time. It is good to see all the children here at church everyday.
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- By late morning, it is time to begin getting ready for Wednesday and Sunday. Sunday comes every week and I need to be ready to preach so I study, pray, and work on my sermons.
- It's lunch time. I take a break, go home, and let the dogs out. They enjoy their break too. I eat very little because I still feel full, fatigued, and pant for breath.
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- After lunch, its time to make a hospital visit. Two things changed last week for me and I am still adjusting. First, I finally made the decision to get a disabled parking permit. I have resisted and resisted that decision for months. I just hate the thoughts of giving in. But I realize that every step I save prolongs the energy and muscle use I do have. In MG it is not so much "use it or lose it" as it is "use it and you will lose it!" Second, I keep my walking stick in the car and use it when I need to walk a long way. I have found that helps to preserve my energy to walk with assistance.
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- It's 2:00 PM and my cell phone is beeping reminding me to take my Mestinon. I humbly obey my beeping master. By now, I am really hurting in my chest, my legs are so tired I can hardly walk. My eyes strain to focus. So, I head home, check email, and go to sleep on the couch because my body literally forces me to stop and rest.
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- About 4:00 PM, Bethany comes home and wakes me up. I start supper for Cathy and the girls, or we may decide to go out and eat. At 6:00 PM I take another hand-full of pills. I have eaten again, rested, played with the dogs a little, and settled down on the couch for a nap before bedtime. I sleep really well while watching TV. It's one of the joys of life, along with ice cream.
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- Before bedtime, I emailed Dr. Lee about my continued chest pain and breathing issues. Will another five session of plasmapheresis help me again? We shall see!
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- Let me try to describe the chest pain and breathing problems I constantly face. First, imagine eating the biggest meal of your entire life and then having it swell-up in your stomach. Second, imagine someone hit you in your chest with a 2x4 an hour or two ago. Finally imagine wearing the tightest full-length corset ever devised. No I have never wore a corset and never plan to wear one! Now try breathing. Just for fun, add some ankle and wrist weights, along with a weight belt to simulate muscle fatigue. This is what I feel like most every day.
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- Tomorrow, I get up and do it all over again.
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- Soli Deo Gloria!
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Thursday, September 9, 2010
My Day with Myasthenia Gravis
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